Today was difficult for me. As I sat grading the exams of my students, the potential graduates, I realized not all of them were going to pass. I frowned. I became upset. How could my students put me in such a position? I wanted all of them–all of my students to pass. And here I am, faced with this predicament. I can’t lie and say they passed when in reality they weren’t working as hard as they could the entire semester. Now I hear pleas left and right, everyday–begging for grace and mercy–leniency, so that they can graduate. I was feeling upset because I see the potential in my students that is being wasted. I talked with my evening class tonight.
I walked out because I was getting too emotional. However, I decided to finish, even if that meant letting them see me cry. And try as I might to hold the tears back, they came any way. But I wanted them to see the anguish and the battle raging in my heart when they fail to do their part. I can only work with the numbers/grades that they give me. I told them, “I can’t fight for you if you don’t fight for yourself.” I think they understand a little bit where I was coming from. I think they got the point.
Then I did some more thinking as they took their exam: is this how God feels when I waste the precious gifts that he has given me? When I do half-hearted work for Him…is this how I make Him feel? When He wants to help me, but I have tied His hands by my own choices and actions…
I am sure He feels more than what I was feeling tonight. Lord, help me. Help me to use the precious gifts you have bestowed upon me for your glory.
*Cynthia Delva is a volunteer English Teacher in Peru through the Office of Volunteer Ministries and Adventist Volunteer Service. This was taken from her blog with her permission, and was originally posted 11/25/14.